apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
