i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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