I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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