do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
