I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
