dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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