he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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