oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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