On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
