A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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