So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
