do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
