That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
