You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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