Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
