My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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