I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
