you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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