drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As shirtless as possible
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
