He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
