We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
