I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
