why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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