Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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