Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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