I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
