I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
