please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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