Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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