so that wasnt chicken after all
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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