That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
