I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
