I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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