I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
