I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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