So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
