Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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