Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
