Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
