"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
