I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
