I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
