it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
