Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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