Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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