the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
