I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
this hospital has no fireball
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
