Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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