Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
