I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
