I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
