Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
